I had a weird experience today that shook me up a bit and got me thinking. I still haven't quite sorted this out in my mind so this might end up in the bin. But we'll see where we get to.
I had to go out to the place that made me redundant today to pick up a piece of paper. When I walked into the office, I straight away detected a level of discomfort and it was quite unexpected. Thinking about this after, I realized that these people didn't know how to interact with me. These are people I've worked with for the past four years and over that time I've heard some very personal and intimate details of their lives, and in some cases I consider these people to be friends, so it came as a real surprise to see them so "standoffish" and reluctant to talk.
It's a few days later now and I've been dwelling on this off and on, and also taking more note of other interactions I've had with people over the past few days. In a lot of cases, when I told people I was going in for an operation, their first response was to tell me, either about their own firsthand experience with cancer, or, about a family member who has fought cancer and either won or lost. I think this is the way most people are able to feel comfortable with this subject while still offering a degree of personal interaction. Funnily enough, it seems to be quite different when people are in a group. They then seem to be more reluctant to talk about themselves and in most cases start to ask questions about whatever it is you're going through.
So I think the answer is to tell people, but then to get off the subject as quickly as possible and focus on something they are more comfortable with. I don't think there is an issue here of right or wrong... I think it's more that that's just the way it is.
On a personal level, if I turn the coin over, I notice that the view is quite different. For instance: The young boy who died in Auckland the other day after football practice. My first inclination when this comes to mind is to feel a level of sympathy for the family - which I now realize is quite superficial. But when I compare this to my feelings about this cancer and the upcoming operation I realize that I really haven't got a clue. Try as I might, I can't even begin to understand how this boys' parents must feel, and I think it shows an unpleasant degree of egotism and arrogance on my part to even pretend that I do.
So now I've now come to a realization... Why should it be any different for other people? So my thinking has changed and I'm going to take some advice from my youngest daughter, and just...
Suck it up, princess.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6YNtM9lvpM
I don't think empathy = arrogance, I think it gives us the opportunity to connect with people when we wouldn't otherwise be able to support them. Everyone has a different story and a lack of empathy would mean each and every person would feel alone when things went to shit. Being empathetic isn't a bad thing, as long as you don't take peoples personal tragedy (such as the kid above) and turn it into your own form of grief and bitch about it- then you're fine :)
ReplyDeleteAside from that, screw 'em! It doesn't take much to treat someone exactly the same as you always have... however I stand by my advice in some respect... if you're letting people who are just being dicks get you down - suck it up princess ;)
I guess all you can do is take what you can learn from it and stick with those who make you feel good :) xx