Round 2

Well... The bell sounded and it was the start of round two. I got a fair bit of a hiding in round one and was still trying to get over it when it was time to start again. So off we went to spend a bit more quality time at the hospital. While we watched our youngest daughter play wire squiggles in the waiting room, a constant stream of people kept coming and going. It seemed to be a big day for surgery. I was still half expecting to be sent home, 'cause we still didn't know anything about the histology and there seemed to be a lot going on. But then it was my turn... so down the corridor we go, round the corner and there's a bed with my name on it.






Before I can start wondering where the chair from the last round went, I'm under instructions to change my clothes to something more appropriate and to get under the covers. So I rush to it before the nurses spot me and get all excited.










After awhile Student Nurse Smiley Face, who just finished her ESOL course, comes along with a folder and starts the inquisition phase. After I've proved my parentage to her satisfaction she runs some tests and then wanders off and we're left to wonder about all the other patients, some of whom are being spoken to in very loud voices by some very harassed staff. It's interesting that the mood in the ward is so much different from last week, and as the staff are all different people, we're not sure if this is the reason or if it's just the level of activity that makes it so different. Anyway, Dr Slumdog's Brother comes along and tells me he's going to be the one putting me to sleep later on. I wonder what happened to Ms Eurasia 2005?

Dr G pokes his head in and tells us that the histology is back and shows that they caught all the bad guys, so now they're going to start putting me back together. He's still not sure if I'm going to be Iron Man's distant cousin or not, but he'll work that out after he has a look up my snout. Then Nurse Smiley Face comes back and gives me the obligatory panadol and mouthwash and we're set to go. It seems this time I'm to be chauffeured to the Operating Room and the orderly - who doesn't introduce himself but I know his name is Nothappy Tobehere - comes along and starts to push me and the bed down the hallway, Nurse Smiley Face tags along 'cause she's under instructions to see that I'm delivered intact to the correct address.

After a short tour of the back alleys of the hospital we arrive in the lobby of the operating room and all these people, who seem to be very happy to see me, gather 'round and start talking at me. Dr Slumdog's Brother starts sticking a harpoon into my arm and then Dr McJolly sticks his head in front of me and tells me that he's really the anaesthestist and that he'll be keeping a close eye on Dr Slumdog's Brother and for me not to worry. So while I'm wondering about all this, Nurse Roseson Herhat - who seems to be more in charge than anyone else - dismisses Nurse Smiley Face and then asks: "Would you like to walk to the operating table?"...........

"Huh??"

(So; last week, I walked from the prep room to the lobby, stood around while they found me a bed, got wired and tubed up in the lobby, pushed into the operating room and then struggled from the bed to the operating table. This week, I'm pushed in a bed from the prep room to the lobby, then I get out of the bed and walk into the operating room and climb onto the operating table, then they wire and tube me up.......... mmmmmmm?)

This is getting all too much for me. Think I'll take a little nap.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Surprise - bright lights, noise and lots of activity. I think I'll get up and see what's going on...

Oops! Maybe not.... Maybe I'll just lie here for a bit - 'till the merry-go-round stops.

Ok, I'm bored now. Lets go up to the ward. So they wheel me round the hospital for awhile and when we reach the ward my cellmates gasp in shock and horror and start asking questions about motorbikes. They seem to be a bit disappointed when I tell them it's only rust. Anyway, I get settled in and then it's time for the first photo shoot.

Wait a minute!!!!!

That can't be me!!!!

I'm not smiling!!!!.

What a mess... This can't be right. How about we leave the photos for now and try again tomorrow?

Next morning, Dr G comes in wearing a big, big smile, followed by a group of teenagers with folders clutched to their chests. We have a chat and he strips off the bandages and has a close-up inspection of the mess that used to be my face. He makes a lot of satisfied noises and his smile gets even bigger. Then he tells me that he was planning to bin the titanium but when he had a look he discovered that my skin had already grown over it and so he decided to just leave it where it was.

So my new Secret Agent name is "Tin Man" and my new superpower is that I can smell anything rotten from five hundred metres.

Looking forward to my first encounter with airport security.

Now this is better. Dr G 's been to see me and striped all the crap off my face. Now I look a lot better...

See that glazed look?

"Feelin reallly fine".

Man, this is boring. The next op's not for another three weeks. Sitting around at home is a pain in the arse... hang on - I mean it's a pain in the other end. Yeah, that's right; it's my face that's sore.

Today's Monday, so it's back to the clinic tomorrow to get some of the stitches out. Dr G said the next part of the reconstruction 's not going to happen for about three weeks so we're tentatively counting on the 30th for Phase 3. If it all goes to plan that will be the end of the hospital visits, and as there's been no mention of chemo or radiotherapy so far, here's hoping it's the end of the whole sorry saga. Anyway, I'll keep you posted if I hit any bumps on the road ahead. Hopefully after the 30th I'll be able to start focusing on making sure our passports are up to date.

A nice sleepover.

Now, do you remember the other day, I did a quiz at the hospital and won an overnight stay? So I used it on Tuesday night. It was a bit different from the usual overnight accommodation, 'cause I had to check in at 8am. I thought we were going to get a nice breakfast 'cause I wasn't allowed to eat for eight hours before. But no, turns out I had to play a game with some doctors and nurses before I was allowed to even see where I was staying. We were met by Nurse Young Tallboy who explained all sorts of things about the rules of the game, but 'cause he had only been on the job for three weeks wasn't really up to speed on some of the stuff. So I started off with the hospital gown on over my shirt and track pants - as instructed.





















After awhile he decided that wasn't really the right look for the game we were about to play so he wandered off to find out what the correct dress code was. While he was gone we made an executive decision and lost the shirt and pants. When he came back he had a present for me - some nice bright green and white socks. Seems that these are a mandatory part of the uniform. After waiting round for awhile Doctor G arrives dressed in his nice blue uniform and gives me lots of smiles and says lots of nice words and then starts to draw some pictures on my face. When he's finished Nurse Young Tallboy decides that it's time to wander down to the operating room. So off we go. As we turn the corner we run into two orderly dudes and the conversation goes like this...

Orderly 1: "I've got to escort the patient to the operating room."
Nurse Young Tallboy: "Oh...ok come with us."
Orderly 2 to orderly 1: "No. We're going to get his bed."

So, off they go round the corner while Nurse Young Tallboy and I look at each other and wonder how they're going to turn my chair into a bed. Next thing they come back round the corner and ask Nurse Young Tallboy where the bed is? "There is no bed, only a chair" is the reply. We then continue on our way to the operating room leaving two very confused looking orderlies in our wake. We find the right room and go into this little lobby type area - where there's supposed to be a bed... So while we're waiting I get a discourse on how a lot of the staff are new and it's not his fault that no one is quite sure of the process, etc,etc..... Thankfully before he destroys all my confidence in the Hawkes Bay District Health Board the two orderlies arrive with a bed.

We step out of the way as they push it into this little lobby area and immediately Nurse Blue Scrubs come out of the operating room and tells them they've got it in backwards. So under supervision we sort ourselves out and I get to lie down. Ms Eurasia 2005 (the anaesthetist) appears with her apprentice and they start sticking needles in me while Nurse Blue Scrubs starts strangling me with tubes. Nurse Blue Scrubs' twin sister appears and starts demanding to know who I am and why I'm there. After deciding that we're all who we're supposed to be they wheel me into the operating room, and place me and the bed right beside the operating table. I'm now instructed to get off the bed and onto the table.... Say what!! Why didn't I just walk straight to the operating table? Anyway, being the good little patient that I am I move over and the apprentice anaesthetist starts pumping some stuff into me while assuring me that it's just to help me relax a bit....

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Whoa!! Bright lights!! What time is it? I sit up and have a look around and Nurse Blue Scrubs other twin sister tells me to lie back down as I'm still supposed to be asleep. Turns out I'm in Recovery and I've missed all the game action. I have a bit of a feel around my face and find a shape about the size of my nose is covered with a bandage. Everything seems to be fine and I'm feeling very fine so I lie back and relax.

After a bit Orderly 1 turns up and starts to wheel me away. Then we stop for a bit while he goes to find out where he's supposed to take me - that sorted, off we go again. So we arrive in the ward feeling all bright and chipper and my roommates and I do a meet and greet. Nurse Thisis Myward turns up and I get fussed over for a bit, then something else grabs her attention and she's gone. So I decide that as it's only just after lunch time I should get up and get dressed. While all this is going on the hospital grapevine has been working and before you can say: "I'm hungry" Denise and Chelle turn up to see how the patient is. I immediately start to whinge about starvation so off they go to find the cafe. So here's me around 2:00pm after operation 1.






All in all I'm a bit amazed at how good I feel, and even now, thirty odd hours after the operation, and having not slept a wink, I still feel good.... And a bit guilty.












One of my roommates was a 70 something year old guy who has been in hospital for the majority of the past two years. It all started with a stroke, followed by a blood circulation problem, followed by kidney failure. He had just had a shunt put in his chest and a dialysis tube put in his stomach.

The other roommate had come up from ICU and was an early twenties dude who had a ruptured tumor on one of his kidneys. The second tumor that had done the same thing. He was the reason for no sleep as his monitors kept going off through the night 'cause he was supposed to be self-injecting his meds and kept falling asleep.

So as sorry as I feel for myself at times, I guess when you think about it, I've been pretty lucky in a lot of respects. I wonder how much of this is due to the positive approach I've been able to maintain because of all the help and support from my family and friends?

Here's hoping the next episode is as uneventful as this one. But just to gross you out, here's a couple of photos of the real thing.






















Not much to see is there? They filled the hole up with titanium mesh and stitched it to the skin to make the nose stay in shape. Clever or what? Dr G hasn't decided yet if the titanium is there for good. It'll depend on the histology of the lump apparently.

If I do keep the persona of the "Man of Steel" it could make airport transitions interesting. I wonder if you can use smell as a superpower? The mind boggles.

I'll let you know how operation 2 goes.

By the way, I know some of you are having trouble commenting on the blog. If you are reading this as an e-mail you have to reply as you would to any e-mail. To make a comment on the blog itself you have to be on the website which is: "www.chrisflaherty.blogspot.co.nz"