Round 2

Well... The bell sounded and it was the start of round two. I got a fair bit of a hiding in round one and was still trying to get over it when it was time to start again. So off we went to spend a bit more quality time at the hospital. While we watched our youngest daughter play wire squiggles in the waiting room, a constant stream of people kept coming and going. It seemed to be a big day for surgery. I was still half expecting to be sent home, 'cause we still didn't know anything about the histology and there seemed to be a lot going on. But then it was my turn... so down the corridor we go, round the corner and there's a bed with my name on it.






Before I can start wondering where the chair from the last round went, I'm under instructions to change my clothes to something more appropriate and to get under the covers. So I rush to it before the nurses spot me and get all excited.










After awhile Student Nurse Smiley Face, who just finished her ESOL course, comes along with a folder and starts the inquisition phase. After I've proved my parentage to her satisfaction she runs some tests and then wanders off and we're left to wonder about all the other patients, some of whom are being spoken to in very loud voices by some very harassed staff. It's interesting that the mood in the ward is so much different from last week, and as the staff are all different people, we're not sure if this is the reason or if it's just the level of activity that makes it so different. Anyway, Dr Slumdog's Brother comes along and tells me he's going to be the one putting me to sleep later on. I wonder what happened to Ms Eurasia 2005?

Dr G pokes his head in and tells us that the histology is back and shows that they caught all the bad guys, so now they're going to start putting me back together. He's still not sure if I'm going to be Iron Man's distant cousin or not, but he'll work that out after he has a look up my snout. Then Nurse Smiley Face comes back and gives me the obligatory panadol and mouthwash and we're set to go. It seems this time I'm to be chauffeured to the Operating Room and the orderly - who doesn't introduce himself but I know his name is Nothappy Tobehere - comes along and starts to push me and the bed down the hallway, Nurse Smiley Face tags along 'cause she's under instructions to see that I'm delivered intact to the correct address.

After a short tour of the back alleys of the hospital we arrive in the lobby of the operating room and all these people, who seem to be very happy to see me, gather 'round and start talking at me. Dr Slumdog's Brother starts sticking a harpoon into my arm and then Dr McJolly sticks his head in front of me and tells me that he's really the anaesthestist and that he'll be keeping a close eye on Dr Slumdog's Brother and for me not to worry. So while I'm wondering about all this, Nurse Roseson Herhat - who seems to be more in charge than anyone else - dismisses Nurse Smiley Face and then asks: "Would you like to walk to the operating table?"...........

"Huh??"

(So; last week, I walked from the prep room to the lobby, stood around while they found me a bed, got wired and tubed up in the lobby, pushed into the operating room and then struggled from the bed to the operating table. This week, I'm pushed in a bed from the prep room to the lobby, then I get out of the bed and walk into the operating room and climb onto the operating table, then they wire and tube me up.......... mmmmmmm?)

This is getting all too much for me. Think I'll take a little nap.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Surprise - bright lights, noise and lots of activity. I think I'll get up and see what's going on...

Oops! Maybe not.... Maybe I'll just lie here for a bit - 'till the merry-go-round stops.

Ok, I'm bored now. Lets go up to the ward. So they wheel me round the hospital for awhile and when we reach the ward my cellmates gasp in shock and horror and start asking questions about motorbikes. They seem to be a bit disappointed when I tell them it's only rust. Anyway, I get settled in and then it's time for the first photo shoot.

Wait a minute!!!!!

That can't be me!!!!

I'm not smiling!!!!.

What a mess... This can't be right. How about we leave the photos for now and try again tomorrow?

Next morning, Dr G comes in wearing a big, big smile, followed by a group of teenagers with folders clutched to their chests. We have a chat and he strips off the bandages and has a close-up inspection of the mess that used to be my face. He makes a lot of satisfied noises and his smile gets even bigger. Then he tells me that he was planning to bin the titanium but when he had a look he discovered that my skin had already grown over it and so he decided to just leave it where it was.

So my new Secret Agent name is "Tin Man" and my new superpower is that I can smell anything rotten from five hundred metres.

Looking forward to my first encounter with airport security.

Now this is better. Dr G 's been to see me and striped all the crap off my face. Now I look a lot better...

See that glazed look?

"Feelin reallly fine".

Man, this is boring. The next op's not for another three weeks. Sitting around at home is a pain in the arse... hang on - I mean it's a pain in the other end. Yeah, that's right; it's my face that's sore.

Today's Monday, so it's back to the clinic tomorrow to get some of the stitches out. Dr G said the next part of the reconstruction 's not going to happen for about three weeks so we're tentatively counting on the 30th for Phase 3. If it all goes to plan that will be the end of the hospital visits, and as there's been no mention of chemo or radiotherapy so far, here's hoping it's the end of the whole sorry saga. Anyway, I'll keep you posted if I hit any bumps on the road ahead. Hopefully after the 30th I'll be able to start focusing on making sure our passports are up to date.